Love Yourself First.

I think we’ve all been there. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, work, acquaintance, bestie, stranger… we’ve all acted in a way that put others’ desires in front of our own. But what does it truly accomplish?

I have been VERY guilty of putting others in front of myself, and it used to happen on a regular basis. The worst part was that it was never a conscious decision– I was putting others in front of me without even realizing it, let alone questioning it. After a while, I started to feel like no one valued what I had to say, or the actions I was taking. And honestly, who could blame them! I was literally showing my peers that it was ok to put their needs ahead of mine because I was demonstrating it with my own behavior.

To put this into perspective, I’m going to give you an overly simplified example. Say I don’t like onions, and I’m out to lunch with a new coworker who loves them. We’re opting to split a pizza (who splits pizzas at lunch? I’d obvs want that whole lunch-sized thing to myself… but for the sake of this simple demonstration, I guess I’ll share) and my coworker really, really wants onions. I’m nice, so I say OK. I’ll just pick them off.

Boom. It just happened. Right there, you’ve set the stage for how that person can treat you moving forward. Well Ronnie says this… but she doesn’t really mind. This can quickly turn into decisions being made for you that don’t favor your point of view.

What’s even more difficult about this circumstance is that now you’ve got to pull yourself out of this hole of seeming like the overly nice person. Since you’ve already defined yourself as the overly nice person, now that’s your role. You’re the agreeable one. You’re the nice guy. Are you really going to be a “jerk” and challenge your nice guy role? You already weren’t very good at being a “jerk” by telling your coworker no (or the more obvious answer; order that shiz on half)… are you really going to stand up for yourself now?

Think about all those relationships you have where the other person seemingly always gets their way. Now think back to the start of how your relationship was cultivated. There’s a parallel there that is really eye-opening. Yes, you can call the other person a jerk all you want, but you gave them permission because you let it happen. You didn’t stand up for yourself on day freaking one.

I’m not saying never compromise, by any means, and I’m definitely not saying that ordering onions on your pizza is never ok (it’s always ok… onions on pizza are basically required at my house).

What I’m saying is to stand up for yourself. Stand up for what you want and what you care for, especially if you want others to appreciate what you have to say.

True relationships, both good and bad, are based off of learned interactions.

Value yourself above all else, and teach the world to do the same.